This is a little exercise I’m looking forward to do: the art of patience. In tantra there is a lot of emphasis on patience. Sex ‘Western style’ is mostly seen as ‘running towards an orgasm’. Or in case of a lot of men: running towards ejaculation. There is nothing wrong with orgasms. Osho even describes them as little taste of eternal bliss; of enlightement. Ejaculations are more problematic. Mostly they mean the end of love making. That’s why we as men have to learn to have an orgasm without ejaculation.
But lets get back to the art of patience. Why should we do it and how? Lets start with why. I think we all like orgasms. The stronger the better. You probably had those that felt like coming out of your toes. Mostly they come when you build up to them slowly and over a longer period of time. So the more patience you are, the deeper your orgasm will be. See it as a flowing river with very high shores. We place a big rock in the river so the water can’t flow through. If we do this a minute and we take the rock away a little bit of water has gathered behind the rock. As soon as we take the rock away the water comes free and flows down with extra force. But if we leave to rock in long, long time, more and more water will gather and all this water will become free at once when the rock is taken out and with high force the water will flow into the rest of the river.
An orgasm is ‘just’ energy
With patience it works the same. The longer we build up to our orgasm, the deeper it will be when we finally have it. An orgasm is ‘just’ energy. When we build up a lot, we can release a lot. Especially when you know the right breathing patterns so you can create a full body orgasm. As soon as you have experienced these: you don’t want to go back to the ‘old ones’. But the experience these you need the art of patience.
Now you know why, lets take a look at how. There are a lot of options. I’ll post some for you over the next couple of months. Here is one I like to start with. I think it’s especially a good one when you haven’t seen each other for a while.
The art of patience exercise
1 – Create a magic atmosphere
With a bit of fantasy you can turn every room into a romantic place. When I was working in India in the last couple of months my room was very basic. A bed, plastic table, two plastic chairs and one very harsh, bright light bulb. Yet, switching the light of, lightening some candles, burning some incense made it a romantic spot. Invest some time in creating a playing list with some background music as well. That will be the final touch.
2 – Look, look, don’t touch
This is where the art of patience starts. Sit in front of each other. Make sure you can sit in a relaxed way. There should be a bit of space between both of you. Look each other in the eyes. The old yogis say the left eye is the mirror of the soul. Watch your breath when you look at each other. See if you can slow down your breath by breathing all the way into your stomach.
3 – Express yourself
How often do we take the other for granted. We’re very good in expressing ourselves about how much we like another person, but we often forget to tell our lover how much we like her/him. Some people do, but that is more an ‘automatic’ saying. This time take your time to express what you really feel. Tell your partner what you appreciate in them. This can be physical, spiritual, mental or just a habit. For example: ‘When you smile, the sun starts to shine’ or ‘When I hold your hand in mine my heart still starts to beat faster’ or ‘I admire how you created a life living of what you love’. It can be anything: as long as it are things you enjoy / love in your partner. This is no moment to argue; so choose your words wisely.
4 – Touch
Yes! Now you can touch. No you can’t do anymore than touch. We’re still practicing the art of patience. You can touch, but no sensual spots yet. You can touch each others hands, arms, legs, face. It can be a sensitive, but not a sensual spot. That will come later. Patience.
5 – Yab Yum Pose
Time to light up the fire more by getting closer. As a man you sit in an easy crossed leg position. As a girl you sit on the lap or your lover and wrap your legs around him in an easy crossed leg position as well. Just holding your lover in between your thighs. Place one hand on each other’s sacrum and the other on each other’s back on the level of the heart. Close your eyes and feel the warmth of your partners body, the beating of their heart.
6 – Breath as one
Holding your lover so close, feel their breath. See if you can synchronize your breathing: long, slow, deep. Feel how your chests get pressed against each other, feel the belly of your partner rising.
7 – Kiss
Hold each other close. This is the moment you can kiss. Start gentle. Discover each other’s neck, head, hands, lips if it was the first time you’re holding and kissing this body. Take all the time in the world. But no undressing yet.
8 – Undress
Now you may undress. The man starts undressing his lover. Slowly. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Everything can go. While undressing you can touch. But still no sexual spots. Play around them, tease them, but don’t touch. As a male you keep your clothes on a little longer.
9 – Massage
Take some massage oil. Heated would be really nice. Massage your partner. You can throw in little kisses if you want. Massage the whole body. Start with the least sensitive spots and work towards the most sensitive spots at the end of your massage. You can slowly make it more erotic, but by patience. Still. No sexual actions yet. Sensual yes, sexual no.
Now it’s time to return the favors. Time for the girl to undress her partner and give him a massage. Tease him more and more, without any real sexual actions.
10 – Make love
Keep practicing the art of patience. If you want you can make love now, but start slow. Let the massage and the small kisses slowly flow over from erotic, from sensual into sexual. After Fifty Shades of Grey there is a big emphasis on rougher sex. Nice to experiment with, but see if you can keep this small. Sensual. Don’t have sex, instead make love. Stay close, stay in touch all the time. Play with extending your orgasm. Still practice the art of patience so you can making love for a long, long time.