Words are just words. Show your lover you care. Always.
As I told you before: I have a lot of people asking me for a ‘magic tantra trick’ to spice up their relationship. Or actually their love life. If nothing is happening in the bedroom anymore they hope a little tantra will light the fire. The bedroom is often the place where it shows that a relationship is on a dead track. But the truth is: there is a lot happening before that. Or actually: a lot is not happening and that is precisely the problem. Often we forget to show our lover we care about him/her.
Think of the first dates you had. What did you do? Often we want to impress our new love. We want to show him/her how much we care about them. We go for romantic walks on the beach, make breakfast on bed, have candlelight dinners and talk till deep into the night. We don’t care about time, we don’t care about work. We only have eye for each other and want to spent as much time together as we can.
And after a few months, years? We’re tired when we come home. We eat in front of the television and stay there for the rest of the night. In silence. When we talk we whine about work, about other people. Sex only happens when we are in bed together. If it already happens.
I love you
Yes we do tell to our partner ‘I love you’. But too often saying those words becomes a routine as well. They become empty words if they are not in line with our behavior. If your partner comes home from work and you give her/him a kiss out of routine, put your feet on the table, switch on the television, moan a bit and end your night going to bed hours after your partner went to bed, how much value do your words have? Is that a way to show your lover you care?
After you have ‘conquered’ your partner’s heart, the seducing is not over. It has only begun. The reason why the fire of passions dies in relationships, is because people take each other for granted. They start living together, start focusing on their careers, have children and loose eye for each other. Yes; at some point nothing is happening in the bedroom anymore, but that is just a result. A result of losing interest.
Keep seducing. Show your lover you care about her/him. Why only have romantic dinners in the first couple of weeks or on the days you have something to celebrate? Why only make breakfast on bed after your first long, passionate nights together? Keep making your words count.
Did you ever made a little bonfire? Lightening it is hard, but then it burns. Burns. And if you don’t do anything? It simple dies out. You have to keep feeding it. Fire is not for nothing a metaphor for passion. You have to keep feeding passion as well. Words are nice, but they are just words. Try to describe being in love in words. Try to describe you deepest orgasm in words. I bet you can’t. Telling somebody you love her/him are pretty heavy words, but if you don’t show it, what are your words worth?
Show your love
So how do you show your lover you care? There are a million ways. You can prepare a nice bath for your partner: lightening the candles in the bad room, pouring some wine so he or she can relax. You can cook your partners favorite meal, only wearing an apron (yes, begin naked underneath) and surprise him/her when he/she comes home. You can make a gift for your partner. Not the new iPhone you just bought in the store, but one you put your love in. I did a tantra exercise with somebody once, which was about stimulating the senses. Later she sent me a gift, which was related to that exercise. She had something for me to taste, to read, to listen to, to feel. It was one of the most beautiful gifts I ever got, because of all the effert she had put into it.
For one of my ex-girlfriends I arranged – behind her back – that she had the day off. I let her go to work in the morning, quickly packed a suitcase for her and went to her work to pick her up for a long weekend in the city we had met for the first time.
Maybe you’re thinking now: Well sorry, but I’m not that romantic. I can’t think of those things. Let me tell you: that’s the shittiest excuse you can have. So you’re not a romantic: the internet is full of blogs with ideas. You can simple ‘plan’ your spontaneous activities. We all have a mobile phone, we all have a schedule. Put an alert in there to ‘surprise’ your partner. It don’t have to be a big thing. Just buy a bottle of her/his favorite wine, by a baguette, some cheese and take your partner for a walk on the beach or a picnic in the forest. It’s not how much money you put into it, it’s how much effort that will show your lover you care.
Time is no excuse as well. Or being tired. Yes, you might be busy with your work. But if that’s your excuse, you are actually saying your work is more important than your partner. Because you simple have the choice: work or surprising your partner. And making the choice not to show your partner you care, is a choice as well. If you’re too busy with work, you choose your work over your partner. But then be honest and tell your partner you love your work more. If not: show your lover you care. Keep that fire burning, because every fire you don’t feed, will die.
You’ll find more tantra on my tantra page.