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Leave your ex with love; setting them free and freeing yourself at the same time

Tantra: leave your ex with love (and move on)

Breaking up is hard to do, I know, but why make it harder? Why not leave your ex with love?

Maybe you’re thinking now: ‘Easy for you to say. You don’t know what he/she has done to me!’ I I know: a lot of relationships don’t end in style. Been there, done that. But I do think you’ve shared some beautiful moments as well. Haven’t you? Otherwise why breaking up now and not months or years before? Why do we always hold on to that thing that splits us up and not to that what brought us together? Not to all those magical moments we have shared?

Another reason to leave your ex with love

There is another reason to leave your ex with love, but let’s go a bit deeper into this. I’ll share an example out of my own life. I had a relationship with an amazing girl for about 5 years. At some point we decided to split up. I took the initiative for it. It wasn’t an easy split up, but we are still good friends today. It’s about sixteen years ago. We still love each other, but we know we are not meant to be together. We still have a lot in common. We do for a part the same work, have the same hobbies and we look back at all the amazing things together full of gratitude. Why should I hate her or she hate me? We had an amazing time and we do understand we’re to different to be together. Breaking up is sometimes an act of love as well. Be honest: do you want to have a relationship with somebody who doesn’t want to be with you anymore? You deserve somebody who loves you as much as you love her / him.

Nine out of ten times I hear people talk about their ex full of hatred. Why? Because you’re hurt your ex decided to pull the plug? It’s shit, but life goes on. He / she maybe puts an end to the relationship, but he or she has been there for you, made love to you, hold your hand and cared for you for years (or months) as well. That isn’t gone. Why not look back at those beautiful moments and bestow your lover with the option to find new love. I know, it’s probably hard that her / his new love isn’t you, but wait. This brings us to the second part of this blog.

Relationships only get better

Life only gets better, if you live it the right way. Relationships only get better as well. So leave your ex with love, he or she is doing you a favor. The more relationships you have, the better you know what you want out of life, the better you know what kind of partner suits you and the stronger you are in making clear what you want out of a relationship. I’ve been in a few relationships and they all became better. Mostly because I’m starting to understand myself better. Splitting up isn’t a horrible thing. It may seem like that on the moment, but if you find love and you’re happy, why holding a grunge to your ex.

That brings us to the last thing. You only put a toll on yourself if you hold a grudge. And on the people around you. Not on your ex. He or she has moved on. I’ll give you an example. The parents of a friend of mine split up more than 25 years ago. Both still hold a grudge towards their ex. Both of them are remarried for more than 20 years. Both say they are very happy with the lover they have now. So why holding this grudge? He’s turning 45 soon. All his birthdays have been split in two. He wanted to have both his parents on his parties, but they don’t want to be in one room together. Who’s the victim? He is. And they do tell him they love him. So get it over with.

Do you think when you will sit in your living room cursing your ex that he / she will feel that? You’re giving yourself a hard time. Not your ex. Let go and move on. In yoga we believe in living in the moment. If you’re still holding a grudge on your ex you’re living in the past. Let go. Enjoy what you are doing. Right now. And if you’re now enjoying that, work on that. Don’t live in the past. Cherish what you and your lover have shared. Let go of what have split you up and move on. Life is too short and too beautiful to feel sorry for yourself. Leave your ex with love and live your life.

You’ll find more tantra on my tantra page.

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One Response to Tantra: leave your ex with love (and move on)

  1. Avatar
    Debby 5 May 2016 at 10:18 #

    Heel mooi 🙂 Moet toegeven dat ik ‘t ook moeilijk in de praktijk vind te brengen, maar kan over het algemeen na een poosje afstand weer door een deur met m’n exen 🙂 Dat is veel fijner!