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Breathing exercises to calm down

How to have an orgasm without ejaculation

Yes we can: have an orgasm without ejaculation. We might be men, but we can do this. The only thing we have to do, is learn how to have an orgasm without ejaculation. The solution is a little training and a big mind shift.

I know, I know, most of us will look forward to the training, but I am afraid it starts with a big mind shift. Why? Because there is something fundamentally basic we have to understand: we are programmed wrong. So we are back at yoga again, because a big part of what yoga is, is undoing all this wrong programming in our brain. Every time we experience something, every time we have a deep emotion, every time we have a stream of thoughts leading us in a certain direction a little (neuro linguistic) bridge is built within our brain: connecting for instance an experience with an emotion into a behaviour pattern. This could be handy. When I want to learn a handstand (2015 is not for nothing my year of the handstand) I train and my brain builds these neuro linguistic bridges. As a result one day I will be able to do this handstand and will be able to keep doing it.

But what if the connection of one and one is two, which is programmed in my brain, is wrong? Then I will ‘suffer’ from it, up until I make it undone. This is the case with our (male) orgasm and ejaculation. Most of us think it’s one thing: we experience our ejaculation as being our orgasm. But it’s not. They are actually two separate things. First we have the orgasm, second we ejaculate. The ejaculation just happens so fast after the orgasm we never noticed.

But now you know, so now you can pay attention to it and yes, now you can start playing with it. How do you do this, how to have an orgasm without ejaculation?  As a yogi I like to answer ‘yoga’, because a lot of it is yoga. You have to start breathing right, you have to start training your body, physically and you have to start becoming aware.

Let’s start with the awareness. It won’t help you straight away, but with the breathing and muscle exercises it will help you. The easiest way is to start practising alone. Maybe not the funniest, but you want to focus on you. And if you want to enter the tantric path, that’s a good start anyway.

If you start stimulating yourself, notice the different ‘stages’. You get aroused first, your arousing is growing, gets heavier and heavier and just before you ejaculate there is a climax. This climax is your actual orgasm. The ejaculation might be a great feeling as well, but the feeling you just have before is your orgasm. So now you want to separate these two. You want to find the point of ‘no return’ and just stay in front of it. That’s where the breathing exercises and the physical training come in.

Breathe

In yoga we do a lot of breathing exercises to calm down the nervous system. The same we do in this case. If we want to prevent ejaculation, we want to ‘calm down’ in a state of arousal. Don’t worry: just for a little while. We do this by deep breathing. Start practising without stimulation first.

  • Sit in a comfortable position and relax your face and shoulders.
  • Place your hands on your belly, just above your belly button and breath in deeply through the nose. Feel your belly pushing out.
  • Exhale slowly, all the way up until you feel your belly abdominals contract towards your spine. The slower you breath out, the more you calm your nerve system.

If you get this breathing under control, you can start playing with yourself. When you feel you come close to an ejaculation, start this relaxed breathing and you should ‘calm down’. If it works, make the time span between the moment you feel you are going to ejaculate and the moment you start breathing this way shorter and shorter. You will come to the point you feel you have an orgasm, but are not ejaculating yet. This is what you want to feel.

Train your pelvic muscle

It doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female: if you want to enjoy your sexual life more, it’s good to train your pelvic muscles. Some of them (m. bulbocavernosus en m. sphincter urethrae) are placed a little bit differently by the men than by the women, but they do more or less the same.  We’re focussing on men this time, so the muscles we man want to train are the same muscles we can stop our urine flow with. Just try it, when you go to the toilet and feel what you have to ‘squeeze’. Once you are aware of this muscle, just start making it stronger by tightening it, holding it tight for a few seconds and letting go again. The good thing is: you can do this anywhere.  If you like you can do even a little ‘weight lifting’ with your penis, by hanging a towel over it when it’s in erection and ‘lifting’ the towel.

If your muscle is strong enough, you can start ‘using’ it. When you feel your are going to have an ejaculation, tighten the muscle as hard as you can. It will stop your ejaculation. If you do it right, you will have an orgasm, but won’t ejaculate.

The great thing is: once you can control this, you can have multiple orgasms as well, just like your girlfriend, you can go on longer and longer (important in Tantra to reach enlightenment through sexual energy) and because you don’t lose your semen, your body won’t have to recover. So train hard, breath easily and enjoy.

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