Okay: I know yoga is not about achieving things, but I do love a breakthrough. And this morning I had one. A big one. I set on the floor for a minute, not believing it….
See, I’m not really a back bending person. Not at all to be honest. I use to hate them and avoid them where possible. But the more yoga I did, the more I read about yoga and the more people I spoke to the more I noticed back bending would be perfect for me. Not only is it something that can correct me upper back (I tent to bend forward in my upper back) and with that my lower back, but there is an emotional component as well. See we all get shit to deal with and those emotions get stuck somewhere in our bodies and make us inflexible. My biggest problem – physical and emotional – is opening my heart.
I know, I’m a pretty open person. I’m a pretty emotional person. But at the same time there is a limit to how close a person can get to me. I like to hold some distance. Ask my ex-girlfriends, they will agree. It’s not something I want, it’s something that just happens; over and over again. But it’s also something I like to deal with. I meditate on it, but I like to do more. Now I’m not someone who will go to a psychologist. I tried when I was young, doesn’t work. In my head I know what happened, I know what I like to change, but that doesn’t say my feelings go the way my head wants them to go. That’s what I like so much about yoga. It does the trick for my head and my body silently. I don’t ‘have to do a lot’. Yoga is working anyway. Changing me, making me a better person.
Now it’s time for the next step. It’s time to open my heart more. And what better way than doing backbends. So I’ve been working on them for a while. No big things, just upward bridge and that kind of stuff. I’ve done some workshops before I went travelling on back bending and in the first we had to do a drop back against the wall. Now that’s something far out of my league. But will some help I managed to do one. At the same time I knew: never ever in my life will I be able to do a drop back. Even with the help of the wall.
Well … this morning I did. I’d done a series focusing on opening my heart, hips, lower back and I just went for it. First time close to the wall, just playing. The second time I decided to go for it. All the way. And I did it. I can’t believe it, but I did it.
Okay, I didn’t manage to get up again. Maybe I could have, but I was just so surprised I did a drop back, I just sat there in amazement.